Do a search on the internet for self help programs and prepare to be amazed. I am a self help guy from way back too, and I am amazed at all that is available for purchase.

You can find a self help site for anything, I think, which is a tribute to both American ingenuity and marketing.

We seem to be adept at finding a problem and creating a program to solve it.

The problem with some of our self help programs is that sometimes they are very light weight, implying that a solution is very easily achieved in the very short term.

When I think of self help, I think of Alcoholics Anonymous, or Narcotics Anonymous, or Cocaine Anonymous, or I think of the market for weight loss, or divorce or marriage or relationship aids, anger management, or an emerging market in regards to brain fitness.

(1) Take time off – Take a vacation or a long weekend. During the work day, take a short break to stretch. Walk, breathe slowly, and take a day off and go to the beach, and relax.

(2) Manage your time – Set realistic goals and deadlines. Plan projects accordingly. Do “must do” tasks first. Schedule difficult tasks for the time of day when you are most productive. Tackle easy tasks when you feel low on energy or motivation.

(3) Set limits – When necessary, learn to say “no” in a friendly, but firm manner.

(4) Choose your battles wisely – Don’t rush to argue every time someone disagrees with you. Keep a cool head and avoid pointless arguments altogether.

(5) Use calming skills – Learn not to act on your first impulse. Give your anger time to subside. Anger needs to be expressed, but it is often wise to do something that takes your mind off the situation. The break allows you to compose yourself and respond to the anger in a more effective manner.

Anger, is a strong feeling that is hidden deep deep deep under several layers of skin and often unleashed inappropriately. Actually some of us are able to control this beast more easily than others. They do not get triggered as easily and know how to deal with it. Why? Because they can communicate what is important to them.

So for the rest of us; why is it so silent and vicious? Why does it emerge unexpectedly? Personally I did not know I could become so angry so fast. I really thought I was not an angry person.

Webster’s definition of anger is: “A strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism (opposition of a conflicting force, tendency or principle.)”

Anthony Robbins states that being angry is an emotion that ranges from being mildly irritated to becoming enraged. Tell me about it!

How can we control or manage this alienating and miserable felling?

Do you ever find yourself getting more and more angry and frustrated while trying to explain what is bothering you? Perhaps you feel like others are not really listening to you or trying to understand things from your perspective. In such circumstances, you may end up raising your voice or becoming verbally or even physically abusive. Unfortunately, responding in this manner usually decreases your chances of being listened to with empathy and compassion.

Another maladaptive way of handling your feelings, perhaps out of fear of losing control, is to work extra hard at keeping everything bottled up inside. What happens here is similar to what happens when a balloon keeps filling up with more and more air. The balloon will expand as far as it can and then eventually pop.

Anyone who has seen the Gieco insurance advertisement, featuring the now famous cavemen, will agree with me that they need anger management. These cavemen have never had an anger outburst so the question may be: how could one say that they need anger management? The answer is related to the comprehensive scope of the Anderson and Anderson anger management model which focuses on not only anger management but communications skills, emotional intelligence and stress management.

The Geico cavemen are ticking time bombs–any day they can explode on their employer, friends or family. They allow others to insult and take advantage of them and they never stand up for themselves. When an attempt is made to be assertive only passive aggressive behavior is displayed. These actions will certainly never result in them getting their needs met. In this case, anger management should both be an intervention and a preventative response. The intervention is to ensure that the cavemen can learn to set boundaries and the preventive action is necessary to reduce the possibility of an explosive outburst.

Eight tips to deal with explosive persons who confront you: defusing potentially dangerous situations

1. Do not respond in kind. Hostility often begets more hostility.

Respond instead with a non-hostile message to defuse people who are behaving in a hostile manner toward you. The classic example of this is in when simple inconsiderate driving or even aggressive driving suddenly escalates into road rage due to two drivers ratcheting up hostility in response to the other’s hostile acts, words, or gestures. Please remember that in these and other hostile situations, you contribute somewhat to the outcome by your decision to return hostility or not.

2. Take their upset seriously and validate their feelings

Listen to what they have to say and hear them out; ignoring them or minimizing their feelings will tend to escalate their anger further. There have been untold numbers of workplace violence incidents that could have been averted had supervisors or managers listened with empathy to disgruntled employees rather than responding in an insensitive or uncaring manner.

The first step to controlling anger is understanding it. While anger and anger management are complex topics, this article will help you by providing some basic information and methods that will make your anger that much more manageable.

What is anger

First of all, don’t make yourself bad for having anger. Anger in itself is nothing wrong. Anger is wrong only if you hold it in, or if you express it in an unhealthy way. This is where anger management comes in – what is healthy and what is unhealthy?

Anger is a protection mechanism – it lets you and others know that your boundaries have been crossed. It is telling you that something bad is happening, and you have to do something about it.

In a previous article, George Anderson discussed emotional intelligence as a critical factor in anger management interventions. I want to suggest that true anger management cannot take place without emotional intelligence. Anger is a secondary emotion and is therefore driven by other emotions. Understanding the emotions that drive our anger is critical in their management.

True anger management demands that we recognize our emotions and consciously decide our actions. Emotions are fascinating because they are a way of communicating with the world. They give us clues about what we love, cherish and the things that we less regard for. Wrapped up in literally thousands of emotions is an emotional language that connects with the world in meaningful ways. Who wants to be like the character Data on Star Trek–an emotionless being who lives only in the realm of logic? I certainly don’t.

It is how you deal with failure that really makes you a success. Life has many events, pleasant and bitter, but they should be faced with a positive attitude and effective anger management techniques can give you the courage you need.

We often have stages , points in life, where we face rejection and are told ‘no’. Rejection is a normal process and should be accepted as such. Some people cannot accept rejections and may even react badly.

For example, if a person applied for a bank loan and the request was rejected, some people accept this easily, but some people cannot handle ‘no’ as the answer and behave irrationally towards the lenders. This is not the way to handle any situation and will only create more problems, but anger management techniques can help.

Rejection is a trigger, which can irritate a person and make them angry. To have effective anger and stress management we need to recognize the triggers and learn to cope better with emotions and anger.

GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR ANGER NOW WITH THESE STEPS:

1. Breathe deep and long breaths. Be sure to open your belly and breathe deep into your abdomen. You may not know it, but when you’re angry you’re panicking. This will help you to calm down.

2. Walk outside and look at the sky while you’re doing your deep breathing. This will help you to put things in perspective, and it can have a soothing effect.

3. Do some stretches. When you’re angry your body gets tense and rigid. The stretching will open up some of the tight areas of your body and get more oxygen flowing to your brain and help you clear your thoughts.

4. Get some paper and start writing. Write about how mad you are and why. Don’t be nice, reasonable or rational. The point is to get your anger out on the paper, to purge it from your mind. Keep writing until you feel some relief or release, and don’t stop until you do. For more help with this type of exercise, check out this book.